Let me just be a tree

Life, some say, happened by chance. They say that it is a result of the culmination of infinite number of sequences starting from the start of the universe. Others say that life is a divine creation. Like one fine day the almighty decided that life had to happen. Who knows where the truth lies, it is most likely somewhere in between. But I often wonder; if I have to be, then who would I rather be?

Hindus say that you are born a human after going through millions of other lives. Who wouldn’t want to be a human? We are of course the most intellectual of them all. We can manipulate every living and non living thing around us for our own comfort. We know that life is not just about living but it is also about leaving a legacy. Our intelligence empowers us, gives us the confidence to change our world. The same intelligence however, gives us greed, envy, pride and other sinful traits that are so uniquely human. This struggle of good and evil within the human mind is sometimes so intense that it makes me question the value of intelligence.

So what about being simple non intelligent bacteria? Eat when there is food and go dormant when there is none. There would be no worry of the future and no regrets of the past, life would simply be in the present. But replicating every 20 minutes is crazy. I can barely handle one of me, having thousands of me around is a scary thought. Plus bacteria do live in the weirdest of places and I don’t think I can handle that.

Maybe I could be a predator like a lion. I would be the king of the jungle the ruler of my domain. There would be no one stronger than me and the whole world would be at my feet. But I think I would be a terrible predator because I just don’t have the cruelty in me to kill that newly born fawn just so that I could have a meal.

So how about a tree, the most benevolent of all beings? Trees of course provide us with our basic needs like food, shade, shelter and clean air. What attract me to trees though are their deep roots. Roots that keep them grounded to a place for ever. Like all living forms a tree will perish due to the act of god, greed of a logger or need of a weaker creature. But until that day the tree clings on tight and never leaves that piece of earth that first helped it sprout.

I have lived in 4 different cities in the last decade. With every move there is always a struggle to form new roots. In every move there is that elusive search for the piece of earth that will ground me forever. And every move makes me wonder; if I had to be, why was I not a tree.

Beauty

Blissful in her world she walks down the isle
When suddenly her lips break into a warm smile
As she hears a whistle from a random admirer
Happy she is to be the object of many such desires

She flicks her golden hair as she turns around
Her frosty stare almost knocks him to the ground
She flashes the ring keen to see him broken
And whispers aloud “you ignorant I am already taken”

He whistles along as he shrugs off the worry
And says “Oh lovely dame there no such hurry
I am sure someday the future will bring
A beauty like you but without a ring”

Her face is still glowing, her smile still warm
She knows again that she still holds the charms
As she melts that night in her lovers desires
Happy she is to have many such admirers

Demons start smiling the day she spies
Wicked wrinkles under both her eyes
The mirror breaks but the image remains
Constantly reminding her of her pains.

Her lover sees in her not a single blemish
Every moment with her he holds with cherish
He is worried if their union will last tomorrow
As she is consumed by her plight and sorrow

She searches and searches in mirrors most
As she earnestly tries to find the image lost
Her thoughts and mind flooded with self pity
Cursing time who took away her beauty

Ending 1
Then one day a faint smile reappears
As once again that whistle she hears
She turns around and her eyes wildly search
To find him again atop his lofty perch

He jumps down to join her in the isle
Says “Come with me for many many miles”
She flashes the ring and gives the answer same
But says “Thank you for making me pretty again”

And blissful in her world she walks away


It was 2 in the morning and I was at the Amsterdam airport with nothing to do. I had almost finished my cappuccino and finished reading Jesus by Deepak Chopra and was bored as I had 8 hrs to go for my next connection. As I was staring into nothing I saw a girl walk by. Then someone form the Starbucks shop whistled, startled she turned looked around appearing annoyed and then walked away. With nothing to do as I waited for my next flight I wrote this poem.
But I do not quite have a good ending yet, please feel free to come up with your own ending.

Me, myself and no one else

I am Himanshu Shashikant Gadgil. I have spent my life until now trying to build my name and I plan to spend the rest of my life doing the same. And why should I not? My name defines me. Out of the 7 billion or so people there are only 2 or three other Himanshu Gadgils and I think I am the only Himanshu Shashikant Gadgil. Just like me, my name is unique. My name it is my identity and will end up becoming my legacy. My existence is a culmination of an infinite sequence of actions and events starting from the very start. And my name shouts out to the world and announces my miraculous existence.
But, wait a minute! My existence is only as miraculous as that of the daffodil plant which is in full glory but which will soon wilt under the onslaught of winter or that of the cockroach in the kitchen which will be taking bite of the deadly bait anytime now.

So why do we humans give so much importance to our name? Of course, every one of us is unique to the core and as individual as we can be. Yet, we are only as unique as any other life form around us. I am not suggesting that our individuality is not important. No matter how small, we are still an important part of this universe and the expression of our individuality will define the future of our universe. But, as far as the grand plan goes the ownership of our individuality is inconsequential. Who did it, is not as important as what was done. Every single action and event in our life, in that daffodil’s life and in the cockroach’s life will shape the future of our universe. The only difference is that we have a conscience. Hence, we have control over our actions, the daffodil and the cockroach don’t. Unfortunately, most of our actions are centered around our ego. These actions isolate us and leave us with discontent, pain and suffering. When we ignore the “who” and the “I”, we create harmony with our universe. We start doing things that are right “period”, not just things that are right for us. We still remain uniquely individual and yet resonate in tune with the grand symphony of the universe.

If you think about it, most of today’s names will remain only as tombstone markers a few hundred years from now. Some of the more illustrious names will adorn the history books for a while longer but, eventually, they will also be swallowed by the marching time. However, our every single action will have a consequence on the future. Every single action will start a cascade of events which will last until the very END.

Once in a lifetime

It’s the age of fast cars, 2 minute noodles, instant coffee and T20 cricket. Unfortunately in this fast paced world our expectations from life have also become fast paced. Our life is the sum of all our success and failures. Yet we often try to sum up all our life based on our day to day successes and failures. Every minute of every day we are searching for a new conquest a new victory a new success and when we fail in that search it seems as if our whole life is falling apart. I still remember that day in my life when it seemed as if the whole universe was conspiring against me. I was in seventh grade then and I had practiced hard all year to get selected in my school table tennis team. Unfortunately, I got slated against the number 1 seed and lost in the first selection round itself. I still vividly remember that dark evening when my whole life seemed to have lost meaning as I sat in front of an idol and kept asking “Why me?”. Next year I practiced harder and got selected in my school table tennis team, and blew it up right away (but that story is for another blog). In the grand scheme of my life the failure and success of being selected in my school table tennis team was inconsequential and yet in those two years the desire to be on my school table tennis team had engulfed my whole life.
What seems like the ultimate goal during a particular phase in our life is often just a small marker. And many times we put so much emphasis on our goals that we forget to enjoy our journey. For me the joy of playing table tennis got buried under the expectation of getting selected in the school team. Eventually table tennis became a chore for me and I quit playing after 8th grade. I rediscovered that joy again in graduate school when I used to get my behind kicked by friends from China for whom table tennis was not even a sport but just a way to kill time. And for me table tennis was fun again, it was not about winning or loosing or proving a point, it was just about enjoying the game.
My goals in life have changed but my passion of going after my goals is still the same and hence, failures are often as spectacular as those in 7th grade. But table tennis has taught me one valuable lesson. “Do try to reach your goals but make sure that you enjoy getting there because goals keep changing all the time but the journey happens just once in a life time.